Zone Loco podcast logoZone LocoHosted by Fritch

Week 0 · 2026 season

The Who Cares Poll

Three Top 25s, three completely different methods, zero actual knowledge.

Week 0 is the appetizer nobody ordered but everybody eats anyway. Eight teams played real games with real scores, and the other seventeen are just vibing off a poll from July. This is that list.

Fritch Top 25 host portraitFritch Top 25The house poll. Slightly more research than the other two. Slightly.
  1. 1Virginia logoVirginiaStrolled into Charlottesville and put 34 on NC State with a brand new quarterback making it look effortless. Nothing suspicious about a team peaking in Week 0... right?
  2. 2USC logoUSCLed 35-3 heading into the fourth quarter, then let San Jose State score 23 unanswered points just to keep things interesting. Championship-caliber vibes, occasionally.
  3. 3North Dakota State logoNorth Dakota StateMade their FBS debut inside an actual dome, so no wind, no rain, no excuses — just steamrolled Jacksonville State 33-7 like they've been doing this for decades. In FCS, they basically have.
  4. 4North Carolina logoNorth CarolinaBill Belichick's season opener, an ocean away in Dublin, a 15-10 win over TCU that had the fanbase dancing in the streets. Never mind that the schedule gets significantly scarier from here — let them have this one.
  5. 5Florida State logoFlorida StateNeeded the better part of four quarters to shake off New Mexico State, but a win's a win, and at this point Mike Norvell needs literally anything to point to.
  6. 6Memphis logoMemphisCharles Huff's very first game as head coach, and Memphis already found a way to grind out a road win. Somebody go tell him it doesn't stay this clean.
  7. 7Stanford logoStanfordBeat Hawaii by double digits, which after the past few losing seasons in Palo Alto might as well be a national championship parade.
  8. 8Eastern Michigan logoEastern MichiganBeat a team that wasn't even sure it would be playing FBS football this season. Bold, courageous, exactly the resume you want heading into September.
  9. 9Georgia logoGeorgiaHasn't played yet, but don't worry, they're still No. 1 somewhere in someone's spreadsheet.
  10. 10Notre Dame logoNotre DameAlso hasn't played. Touchdown Jesus is reportedly "cautiously optimistic," whatever that means for a painting.
  11. 11Oregon logoOregonStill undefeated, technically, in the sense that a 0-0 team cannot lose.
  12. 12Ohio State logoOhio StateRanked this high on reputation alone, which is a fun strategy right up until the first game against someone who isn't in a preseason poll.
  13. 13Miami logoMiami"The U is back," again, still unconfirmed, still hasn't played a snap.
  14. 14Texas logoTexasZero games, zero losses, maximum hype. Arch Manning remains theoretically perfect.
  15. 15Indiana logoIndianaReigning national champs currently riding the best kind of streak: the kind where nothing bad has happened yet because nothing has happened at all.
  16. 16Alabama logoAlabamaStill just as ranked as it's always been. Tradition is a hell of a drug.
  17. 17LSU logoLSULane Kiffin hasn't lost a game yet as LSU's coach, a statistic he will absolutely bring up unprompted all season.
  18. 18Texas Tech logoTexas TechRode the Cinderella bus all the way to September without setting foot on a field.
  19. 19Texas A&M logoTexas A&MRanked high enough to remind everyone November exists and is coming for them eventually.
  20. 20Oklahoma logoOklahomaGreat defense, on paper, against opponents who also haven't played anyone yet.
  21. 21Ole Miss logoOle MissStill basking in the glow of a transfer portal win they haven't had to defend on a scoreboard.
  22. 22Clemson logoClemsonRanked here on the strength of last year's disappointment somehow still counting for something.
  23. 23Michigan logoMichiganNew coach, zero data, infinite optimism.
  24. 24Tennessee logoTennesseeStill doesn't know who's playing quarterback. At least now it's Week 0 and not Week 12.
  25. 25Penn State logoPenn State39 new faces on the roster and not one of them has taken a real snap yet. Ask again in a month.
Gary Top 25 host portraitGary Top 25Ranked on cold nachos, lottery scratchers and truck noises. Somehow right.
  1. 1Alabama logoAlabamaStill number one. Didn't even need to play a game, that's how strong the foundation is.
  2. 2Ohio State logoOhio StateStill sittin' pretty, still ain't played nobody yet. Talk to me in September.
  3. 3Texas logoTexasArch boy still winnin' the raffle he ain't even entered yet.
  4. 4Notre Dame logoNotre DameTouchdown Jesus still watchin', still waitin' patiently.
  5. 5Oregon logoOregonStill lookin' like a bag of Skittles, still undefeated on account of not playin' anybody.
  6. 6Georgia logoGeorgiaGood team. Still SEC. Still not gettin' ranked over my Tide.
  7. 7Indiana logoIndianaChamps still restin' on that trophy. Can't blame 'em.
  8. 8Miami logoMiami"The U is back," still unconfirmed, still holdin' my breath.
  9. 9LSU logoLSUKiffin's mouth still runnin' faster than his offense.
  10. 10USC logoUSCMovin' up a couple spots for winnin' by sixteen, movin' back down in my heart for lettin' San Jose State score twenty-three points in the fourth quarter. That ain't how you finish a possum off, son.
  11. 11Texas Tech logoTexas TechCinderella bus still runnin', ain't hit midnight yet.
  12. 12Texas A&M logoTexas A&MStill almost great, still findin' new ways to scare their own fans.
  13. 13Oklahoma logoOklahomaDefense still good, offense still runnin' like my lawnmower with bad gas.
  14. 14Ole Miss logoOle MissNew coach, new roster, new attitude. Whole thing feels like showin' up to somebody's yard sale and not recognizin' a single item.
  15. 15Virginia logoVirginiaNew to the poll on account of walkin' into Charlottesville and puttin' thirty-four on NC State like it wasn't nothin'. New quarterback lookin' like he been there for years.
  16. 16Michigan logoMichiganNew coach, new quarterback, still a stranger to me.
  17. 17Tennessee logoTennesseeStill don't know who's playin' quarterback. Crockpot lid still shut.
  18. 18Penn State logoPenn StateStill got thirty-nine new fellas. Still feels like a family reunion nobody planned.
  19. 19Florida logoFloridaStill hirin' coaches to fix what's broke. Heard that story before.
  20. 20Clemson logoClemsonStill payin' for last year's letdown. Ain't forgot, ain't forgivin'.
  21. 21BYU logoBYUStill undefeated, still ain't played nobody, still the best record in the country by that math.
  22. 22Missouri logoMissouriStill solid, still barbecue, still fine right where they at.
  23. 23South Carolina logoSouth CarolinaStill got a quarterback with no O-line to speak of. Bless him.
  24. 24SMU logoSMUStill a private school playin' big boy ball. Tuition bill still climbin'.
  25. 25Florida State logoFlorida StateSnuck by New Mexico State, took the whole game to do it, but a win's a win — even if that coach's seat is still hotter than a truck bed in July.
Kevin Top 25 host portraitKevin Top 25Generated by a model nobody has seen, verified by nobody, delivered with total confidence.
  1. 1Ohio State logoOhio StateProgram Optimization Coefficient holds at 98.7. Idle teams cannot regress, which is either a flaw in my methodology or the smartest thing about it.
  2. 2Stanford logoStanfordBeat Hawaii by double digits, pushing my Institutional Superiority Index to an all-time programmatic high. The model is thrilled. I am thrilled. We are aligned.
  3. 3Georgia logoGeorgiaStill hasn't played. The model respects patience.
  4. 4Texas logoTexasAlso hasn't played, which the model interprets as "undefeated by choice."
  5. 5Notre Dame logoNotre DameDocked one spot after failing to play a game I could feed into the system. Touchdown Jesus remains unranked, unaffected, and unbothered.
  6. 6Oregon logoOregonUniform Variance Index continues to hold at a historically unstable 91.3, a number that means nothing but looks very serious in a chart.
  7. 7Indiana logoIndianaReigning champions, still inactive. Regression to the mean remains scheduled, not observed.
  8. 8Miami logoMiami"The U is Back" claim remains unverified for a 23rd consecutive year, per my internal Unverified Claims Ledger.
  9. 9USC logoUSCDown one spot after a Fourth Quarter Composure Index reading of 41.2 against San Jose State — the worst mark recorded by any ranked program in Week 0, and I built the index myself specifically to be able to say that.
  10. 10LSU logoLSULane Kiffin's Social Media Weighted Input remains steady at 12%, though I am formally proposing an increase.
  11. 11Virginia logoVirginiaNew to the model after posting a Cavalier Offensive Explosiveness Rating of 88.4 in a 34-8 win over NC State — a single-game spike so statistically improbable I've named the phenomenon "Portal Quarterback Regression Immunity."
  12. 12Texas A&M logoTexas A&MAggie Variance remains a documented, ongoing condition. There is currently no treatment.
  13. 13Oklahoma logoOklahomaDefensive metrics elite. Offensive metrics graded on what I am now calling the "Sooner Curve," a term with no statistical basis whatsoever.
  14. 14Michigan logoMichiganStill no historical data on the new staff. The model remains, and I quote itself, "uncomfortable."
  15. 15Ole Miss logoOle MissModel holds steady. New coach, new roster, same top-decile portal efficiency rating I invented for him personally.
  16. 16Alabama logoAlabamaNostalgia-weighted programs continue to underperform relative to data-driven ones, a finding the model insists on repeating every single week.
  17. 17Tennessee logoTennesseeQuarterback situation remains a null value. The model has started ranking them against a hypothetical average Tennessee quarterback, which — for the record — is outperforming the real ones.
  18. 18Penn State logoPenn StateHigh Variance Index unchanged. Thirty-nine new faces remains the largest sample-size risk in the country, statistically speaking, according to me.
  19. 19Clemson logoClemsonModel still in recovery from last year's total prediction failure. Therapy is ongoing.
  20. 20Florida logoFloridaNew coach, same formula, same outcome pending. I've stopped updating this one emotionally.
  21. 21Texas Tech logoTexas TechCinderella Coefficient remains theoretical and, frankly, embarrassing to have in a professional model.
  22. 22BYU logoBYUStill undefeated against a schedule that does not yet technically exist.
  23. 23South Carolina logoSouth CarolinaProtection Deficit Syndrome confirmed as a recurring seasonal pattern, not a one-time diagnosis.
  24. 24Auburn logoAuburnConcerning Category flag remains active. No updates. No improvements. No comment.
  25. 25California logoCaliforniaReminder that Cal students would not have blown a 32-point lead. That's not a stat. That's a fact I feel in my bones.