Recurring weekly segment
Loco's Locks…to Lose
Two analysts. Zero credentials. Every week, Gas Station Gary and Kevin the Machine each name one team that is going to lose. Gary bases his pick on things that have nothing to do with football and is somehow always right. Kevin cites absurdly specific statistics that do not exist and is referred to as "the Machine" whether he hits or misses.
Season scoreboard
Gary
0–0
0 picks graded
The Machine
0–0
0 picks graded

Gas Station Gary
Reads omens in the snack aisle. Somehow always right.

Kevin the Machine
Cites statistics that do not exist, with total confidence.
This week's picks are not up yet. Gary is still in line at the register.